“When someone leaves, it’s because someone else is about to arrive.” – Paulo Coelho
There is not a person alive that hasn’t been dumped by someone. It’s part of the human experience. If it happens time and time again in romantic relationships the question is; why?
The first thing to examine is how long was the relationship and what was shared.
If it happened after a relatively short period of time and perhaps after meeting through technology, there probably wasn’t a whole lot of you involved.
Knowing someone for a brief period usually doesn’t get you too emotionally invested in them and the relationship. What is possible with the flick of a finger on a keyboard makes some pairings flighty from the get-go. Some people even end the whole thing that way; on the Internet!
Even though that may be the case; if you are dumped you feel badly. You wonder what you did, what you said, or did not say, and what went wrong. If you thought there was a real connection, and chemistry the breakup will be one that haunts you for reasons about why it happened. Going over the details will probably not give you answers. It may however, if it happens often enough give you pause to wonder about your capacity for real love. That is a good thing.
Gaining insight, even through pain, will help you in the long run.
If the person who left doesn’t give you any reason about the why you may want to discuss the situation with close friends or even a professional therapist who can throw light on the subject; the subject being, YOU.
There are no perfect people and no perfect relationships. It is better to find out that the one that ended was not for you in the long run. That is a good thing, and the sooner the better.
If sex was involved that puts another light on the subject. It is not uncommon for that aspect to cloud other issues and areas that should be given attention.
Trying to not just understand your role and part in the whole affair is not enough. Trying to understand the other person is also a good exercise. Now, maybe there will be NO answers but that’s okay. You still should move on and learn from it all.
If you have never been able to sustain a relationship that is romantic, then indeed you need to try and ferret out the reason.
If it all puts you into a depression turning to drugs or alcohol you need to get help as that will be a self-defeating pattern in the end.
Now if the relationship was of long duration and you truly shared yourself and your secrets and your body, getting dumped can feel devastating.
Pulling yourself together after that takes a lot of work and time. Fantasizing about the person, and maybe even accepting them back, will be a big hurdle. Trust will not be the same. Wanting to pay them back after being hurt is not uncommon. This too does not help you move along.
Life happens, and much of this is unplanned.
Love should be a matter of strong feelings and when real, there is no other as you have chosen and are the choice of a partner. There is no looking any longer and no one that comes along can replace what you share with that special someone. It is not just a habit; it is a genuine choice.
True love accepts you and the other with all the faults. The relationship is strong enough to withstand anything. You don’t have to fight for love. It’s there or it isn’t. Even with the ups and downs it’s what you want.
So, being dumped either early on or later is painful and needs work to get over.
You may not ever know the true reason and perhaps the person who dumped you may not be fully aware of the reason. It just didn’t feel right.
If you learn how to be interesting, interested and caring to another, you will find the right one in time.
Being loving and cautious at first is necessary. For guys saying nice things, bringing flowers and doing considerate gestures works.
For females letting him know you like him and appreciate him helps.
Talking, and talking more gets you there. Talking about sex and demonstrating that you like each other in this most special way is important, but not immediately. As I said earlier it can muddy the water and other important signs may be clouded or overlooked only to rear their ugly head later.
Let being dumped be an educational experience that teaches you a great deal about you, the ‘other’ and relationships. Do not be afraid of it… it will happen, and you will use it wisely.
The best relationships are the ones that are described as, My best friend, who’s sexy.
“How do you know when it’s over? Maybe when you feel more in love with your memories than the person standing in front of you.” – Gunnar Ardelius
Have you ever been dumped? What did you do? Have you ever dumped someone? How did you do it?