“Asking Who’s the man & who’s the woman in a same-sex relationship is like asking which chopstick is the fork.” – Ellen DeGeneres
At the end of the year many people decide to make resolutions and attempt to correct something they don’t like about themselves or their lives. All well and good. Problem is many cannot stick to them and others won’t allow it.
The issue of being gay is a tough one.
Many young people are aware of their leanings at tender ages but attempt to ignore or push the feelings away. It is not easy to be different in our society; hypocritical though it may be.
Parents of children who show signs of preferring to be or be close to the same or opposite sex also do not want to automatically accept that their child may be gay.
And then there is the outside world who may see it, taunt it or ignore it. That can include a plethora of people including relatives, teachers, friends, and strangers.
However, as with all strong feelings of attraction and passion the feelings do not and cannot disappear. Being homosexual is NOT a choice.
Sometimes people experiment and then decide they are or are not homosexual. Then, of course, some are bi-sexual, but here I am talking primarily about those people who are basically gay.
While there have been all sorts of ridiculous people and a wide variety of ways to try to change an individual; nothing will work. It can’t. It’s part of who that person is and the drive to connect emotionally with another is strong as with any other person; homosexual or not.
We all want to be loved and we all want to be close and intimate with another. It’s the way of life.
It is never an easy course to find another. For gay people it is a bit scarier as they are taking a leap of faith finding another gay person to partner with. Many therefore choose to make sure the person is also gay by going on-line as opposed to meeting in person.
Like with all couples it is a good idea to audition for a lover. It does not happen automatically, although sex can occur fast.
With gay guys there is a lot of experimentation. With gay females they seem to maintain relationships longer but not always. There are any number of gay men that have been committed to one another for long periods or life. Some very famous ones.
While I have worked with and written a book about transgendered people I have also worked with many gay couples; both male and female.
The areas of distress are the same as with any couple.
Communication and keeping passion alive are big ones.
Coming out is a huge step. I recommend cleaning out the clothes in the closet and then coming out with who you really are.
Telling parents is frightening, no matter how educated and understanding and liberal they are. No parent says they prefer that they have a gay child. BUT they can understand that in order for their child to live a full and happy life this has to be the course.
If the parents absolutely cannot accept it there may be a breach in the relationship and sometimes that can be forever. If there are siblings that can also be a big problem. The sibling can accept or reject, and they can move to the favorite child if they were not there before.
For many siblings and parents, they feel shame. They feel they did something wrong to cause this to happen. Not so. It is a fact of nature. You came that way… period!
Being a full human being and having fun and doing some good in the world and being a responsible adult is what we all strive for. It is no different for someone who is homosexual.
Actually, there are any number of fabulously successful creative and artistic gay people.
Now if the gay person has to exaggerate it and flaunt it that can be a problem. Just like any obnoxious person; the behavior should not be in your face or offensive or belligerent.
Fighting for legal rights has been long and difficult as they always are. We have made progress however and that was not easy for this group.