Shut Up And Lie Down

“I think men talk to women, so they can sleep with them and women sleep with men, so they can talk to them.” – Jay McInerney

This may be truer than you might like to believe.

In over decades as a relationship therapist and sex educator I can tell you it is the case more often than not.

Males, as a rule, will say anything to get a female in bed. It doesn’t matter the age or circumstances. The females without much experience believe what is said or whispered to them. It’s all sweet and flattering.

Who doesn’t like hearing those pretty complimentary words?

It’s usually how beautiful you are, how sexy you are, or all the things I like about you.

Before she knows it she’s in bed with him.

That’s when the situation takes a turn. What do you know about one another? That depends on how much time and what questions were asked before the bed. Have you seen each other at your worst? Angriest? Under pressure?  Is what was told to you the truth? How do you know?

What do you not like about one another? What then do you like?

How was affection and caring shown before the bed?

All part of the package.

Now it’s put up or shut up; literally.

How is the kissing? What is the stamina? What about the body? Does he/she smell good? Is there pubic hair? Muscles? What about the seductive voice? How about the lead up to sex? Protection against STDs or birth control? Lots of areas to explore and react to.

How about a massage before? Are you comfortable about your body in the light? Breast size, penis size; circumcised?

There’s a lot going on in the beginning. It’s the discovery phase.

Usually people are at their level best here. It is with time that the real you comes out and shows itself.

Sometimes a relationship is just for sex. Actually, it is good exercise!

That’s fine for a lot of people and females use their sexuality to hold on to a guy. Today they are freer and want sex, but it is different from a male’s need usually.

Males reach their prime at about age 18 and females about 35. Not fair but a good idea to have a younger man as you get older.

Many males do not want an ongoing relationship or intimacy and play the field. Hookers are not paid for sex. They are paid to leave!

There is nothing dirty about sex so long as two or more people agree to it.

Outside of the bedroom is where the relationship is made. Sex itself takes little time but the consequences can be long lasting. The positions unless you are involved look ridiculous. It’s like the saying that kinky is using a feather and perverted is using the whole chicken!

Being uninhibited is a good thing in bed. Can you judge that before you get there? Sometimes. It depends on how people are when talking, eating, dancing and so on. Being constrained, too polite, reserved and sort of shy will give you a clue. Touching and fondling will let you know how your partner feels about you physically.

If you can’t keep your hands off one another that’s a good sign about what sex will be like.

Today for many young people it’s sort of, “Okay I’ll come in for a drink and sex, but that’s it.”

Jumping into bed before testing and knowing a person can work out but often it’s not going to lead to a full or on-going real relationship. You should only do what feels comfortable to you. Females decide about when sex will take place. They should decide under what circumstances they will allow it. If alcohol or drugs are in the picture the decision may not be clear or a good one in the end.

There is nothing better than good sex coupled with love, but that takes time and testing.

We get no guarantees in this life and not much is forever, so it is in your best interest to think about these issues before they present themselves and not jump to a decision on the spot or before you are ready.

Many females believe that the guy they sleep with and who has said all those pretty words will be theirs for the long haul, only to discover it was his way of getting her to lie down and shut up!!

“Among men sex sometimes results in intimacy; among women, intimacy sometimes results in sex.” – Barbara Cartland


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