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“To fall in love with yourself is the first secret to happiness” – Robert Morely
Not so fast… or easy.
The message is there from day one.
You are or not pleasing to the eye. You are or not a good child. You are or are not the sex child the parent might have preferred.
You do or do not remind parents of someone they like.
Acceptance of YOU or lack of it has begun.
Because we are‘victims of our parents we have no choice but to incorporate what they say and do into who we become, and what is valued.
Too bad we don’t license people BEFORE they become parents and test them; we do it for a myriad of other things, but neglect this most important task.
There is not a person alive that at some point, and unhappily for some, have a lifetime of dealing with something or things they really do not like about themselves.
That being said how do we get to self-love?
And also there are those who say it is not a good thing… they are WRONG!
If I asked, What is the worst thing about you? What would your answer be?
Following that, of course, is name the best thing about you.
While some of who we are is just ‘there’ and most can’t be altered; namely a lot of how we look, there are ways to deal with anything these days.
How often do we hear, I hate my hair, I hate my nose. I wish I was taller/shorter. My breast size… my penis size… and on and on.
It is not meaningless or trivial. People see you as a physical BEING.
To get love Mother Teresa with her looks found a way.
Bill Cosby, no Gregory Peck, also found a way to connect and be close.
I am acknowledging how we look affects the way we are responded to.
BUT and a great BIG BUT; it ain’t enough.
We need to learn how to accept us in total with all our faults, flaws, hurts, and bad experiences.
Arrogant people are not people who really like themselves and have to put on attitudes to make themselves feel better.
It is always a struggle especially if you have had horrible things happen. You feel embarrassed, betrayed, or even the cause.
You may harbor the feelings and have them fester inside. You may lash out at others or you may be self-destructive to relieve the anguish.
We all try to save face.
We have to deal with ingratitude, rejection, indifference and so on. All of us.
What to do?
Number one we need to acknowledge what we feel. Then we can share it. Doing so often opens others up to share significant things about themselves.
Next step is to find and do things you enjoy and be with people who make you feel good.
There are always others who are prettier, smarter, richer, more creative and so on.
There are also a whole bunch with less than you in every category.
You can choose to be unhappy, or content. That does not mean not striving to be better in whatever area you choose.
This does not mean narcissism or only loving oneself either.
Do not keep the toxicity from anytime or anyone going. Move toward what works for you.
In the end your happiness is solely depended on you!
Yes, yes, I know some people have traumatic or very serious issues that have happened. It is a sad list.
And true some never recover, but there are any number of examples of people who have gotten through and then help others as a result.
My hope is that everyone can free themselves from those chains and love who they are.
BECAUSE you cannot love anyone if it doesn’t start with you!
“Self-love often seems to be unrequited” – Anthony Powell
Rate yourself as a person from one to ten. Do others feel the same way about you, do you think?
What aspect of YOU would you like to work on and change?