Love… Less Love… More

Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood.” – Oscar Wilde

“Men are a luxury. Not a necessity.” – Cher

Two good ideas. One by a homosexual man, and the other by a sexy lady.

There are many schools of thought when it comes to love and certainly when it comes to the question about is love necessary or is sex alone just fine.

From my experience, which is vast, and I have heard it all, both can be the case.

There are times and indeed people who just enjoy sex and may never have experienced or risked being totally in love. Who is to judge?

There are issues surrounding all of this. Lately there are groups, mainly in New York, that have people coming together for discussions about it all. Finally!

Some people like to feel, sad.

They complain all the time and get into situations or allow things to continue knowing they are not happy. Some people are needy and look for closeness by having sex.

Many get invested too early. Some are out there to prove themselves. Some offer all sorts of favors to be close.

Men want to be dominant and strong. They want to have sex.

Women want romance and commitment.

Love means you want to be with that person no matter what and don’t want to live without them. Now that doesn’t mean being a masochist or an enabler or a caretaker although many fall into that category.

It is good to need someone to love. It is torture not to have that if you are capable of it.

There are users and there are losers.

If you jump in too fast 

with no background information or testing of what you need in a relationship you ask for trouble.

There are some rules put out by therapists that include: no sex until after two months. No oral sex, except with someone you really love.

Attraction is not a choice. It is in us and we physically respond.

Men choose females that are attractive and that are healthy to bear children and carry on their genes. Even in the animal kingdom.

Women choose strong men to protect them and their children and provide for them. Does the term alpha male, ring a bell?

How you are treated depends on your values and what you think you are worth.           .

If you are treated poorly it’s because you don’t think you deserve better and allow that behavior.

Men actually need females more than females need men, in most cases. Sex is not the same drive for each of them, usually.

Females like bad boys who are ambitious and can have other pretty girls if they wanted.

Men are not as emotional as women. They like secure ladies. If a female is too easy they miss the chase and conquest, flirtation and playfulness.

For females there are qualities to look for in a man if you want him for the future.

How does he treat his mother? How is he to people who cannot fight back; waiters, cab drivers, secretaries? Is he considerate of your wishes? Is he too controlling?

You set your standards and not with demands.

Guys look at you as well. Is she a nag? Is she sensitive to your needs? Is she too clingy? How does she handle money?

All the questions you can imagine play out over time for any couple.

There is no need to review your sexual histories with one another but many do.

Sharing what is erotic and what you each enjoy when it comes to sex is a way to be close and to communicate something really important. None of us run on radar. At least not yet!

In the final analysis we are all different and have our own unique needs. The goal is to find what suits us and that can be sexless or sex… more. With or without LOVE!!

“I know I am in love with you because my reality is finally better than my dreams.” – Dr. Seuss

Do you just have sex? Have you been fully in love? Can you tell the difference in the bedroom?

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