“Who has time for toxic relationships? If someone isn’t honoring your feeling it’s not a real relationship. If you feel drained after spending time with someone, that’s a red flag!” – Doreen Virtue
Now here’s an area where you should basically trust your instincts. Red flags are everywhere, and you need to be aware and not dismiss them. The beginnings of relationships should be full of desire and wanting to be with someone and be physically close.
If passion does not pull you that is a big red flag. It doesn’t come with time. It’s either there or it’s not. Once you are hooked in that way a great deal can be overlooked, denied, or ignored. Rose colored glasses won’t make it better over time. When the passion wanes, the things you were not liking come into full focus. Even with passion, over time, the red flags may wave harder.
What are some of them? They can be anything from small annoyances, silly behaviors, or large insurmountable issues that will more than likely, only get worse with time.
Things like drinking to excess, drugs, nasty attitudes to inferiors, bad temper, physical acting out and just plain insensitivity.
Trust me he or she will not change!! Trust the behavior NOT the words.
If she is suspicious of your every move, talks all day and night, nags, or spends money foolishly she will continue to do so after you are together for any amount of time.
Some people try to hide what they know are bad habits, but the truth will out. It is a good idea to check with people who have known the person you are wary about and get their opinions, especially if they have known the person for a while.
Get a history. Sort of like having a questionnaire to have filled out. The more history the better. Watch them closely when you are together whether out or in.
There is always choice and one of the best red flags to be aware of is when your family and or friends do not like the person and do not think they are good for you.
They see things you may not; those rose-colored glasses. Thinking they will change for you is a big mistake. While some change may occur, the basics will not be very different.
Interestingly the changes that are positive may come out as a result of love and being happy.
It really is; is there enough positive to outweigh the negative? Only you can decide that. People have done all sorts of things as a result of good sex, or real love.
Life will dish out a variety of ups and downs and hard times. That’s when the real tests will arise. You can adore someone, love every inch of them, and show it, but what do you receive in return? If, in fact, they are everything you ever wanted then you have the best that life offers.
Women and mainly men have a difficult time with the other issue; surrender. They may try to escape and not be bound by their feelings but that doesn’t work.
Many couples have tried to let go and have found it was a useless exercise, only to come back to the relationship.
Sometimes when the chase is over, and the relationship gets too comfy there is no challenge and one or the other may think the relationship should end.
Once the surrender takes place there is a change. The white flag is hoisted.
It can all start with that drive, the kiss, the touch, and the connection; emotional, intellectual, and physical.
No, nothing is ever perfect, and it probably will only be in short spurts and mostly in the beginning. The red flags may be minor or occasional or huge and intrusive. Do not ignore them!!
The white flag is necessary on both sides. That feeling of not wanting to be without this person will guide you. In a sense you give up a part of yourself for the sake of the relationship and what it offers you, emotionally. Sex plays a role here and at times may cloud the whole business and you need to be honest and acknowledge that. It is not a bad thing, but it cannot sustain a relationship over time without more than that. It can keep you in a relationship for a long time and that may be all you want.
See the red flags, embrace the white one, and maybe there is another color called ‘wait and see’ that will mean caution. Sort of like the red, green, and yellow car signs! Stop, wait, and then GO!!
“Reason lost the battle, and all I could do was surrender and accept I was in love.” – Paulo Coelho
What are your red flags? Have you ever had a white flag relationship? What helped get you there?