“A little theory makes sex more interesting, more comprehensible, and less scary—-too much is a put- down, especially as you’re likely to get it out of perspective and become a spectator of your own performance.” – Dr. Alex Comfort
You can’t escape it; sex! It is everywhere. We see it all over the place in many forms and today we hear about it all over the news.
The media, law, and women have changed and that has opened the door for all sorts of issues being brought up and out.
Two of the biggest these days, especially for young people, has to do with both consent and sexual satisfaction.
The problem with consent is that there is no real way to be sure that you have consent. This is mostly true for females.
Many young men with hormones raging and the sexual imperative driven by their bodies often assume that a female wants to engage in sexual activity.
Now that can come about from a variety of sources. She can be attractive and obliging and giving out signals that tell him she likes him. She indeed may.
Her idea of being close or enjoying one another may be a different message from the one he is receiving.
Touching, fondling, kissing, and telling someone you like them may indeed be giving a green light for sex to a young male.
Has she implied that it is a yes?
Does he stop and ask that question? Well, maybe. Does that mean he will stop his advances and pursuit of sexual release? Not necessarily. Should it be in writing? Definitely not!
But how to not be considered a tease? How to give a clear, as opposed to an ambivalent message?
That is not easy and many young women have given mixed messages and then when sex is inevitable they are feeling guilty or embarrassed or angry. It’s not so black and white and it is not rape in most cases.
There is no protocol and every case is unique but the bottom line is that females need to speak up and say what they want or what they do not want.
This is also true when there is a relationship or even a one-night hook-up. When it comes to real sex; communication is the key.
While we are conditioned from birth and within our culture and history today’s females are expecting to have sexual fulfillment.
They are exploring their own bodies and know how to achieve orgasm.
When with a partner it then becomes what to say and how to be satisfied. This is usually not a big problem for the males but here too they can let their partner know what they enjoy.
For females they prepare for sex. They shower, dress, perfume themselves and so on when they expect to have a sexual encounter. Interestingly it is females who respond to fragrances more than males so he should be putting on the cologne. Men do not prepare much, if at all.
For females it is difficult for her to ask for what she wants. Does she have the right words? Does it make him feel less potent? Is she too pushy?
If it goes into too much detail does the magic vanish?
For a female, orgasm takes patience. She is slower than he is.
He needs education and there is no school teaching this vital information!
Actually cunnilingus is a good way for her to achieve orgasm. But it takes a lot of information for him. Cosmo, the internet, porn, and so on can help but that information is not the whole story for every individual.
I want to run the real school!!
In the end sex yes should be a shared mutually respectful experience with open communication. But that should also include fun and showing love in many forms.
All of this takes time and maybe many experiences. There is no rush.
While some experiences may not be pleasant or fulfilling each person has to figure out what works for them. Then they have to go about finding it.
How nice it would be if the messages were clear and both males and females could say what pleases them and then learn how to deliver the final supreme pleasure.
“Sex lies at the root of life, and we can never learn to reverence life until we know how to understand sex.” – Havelock Ellis