“If it happens that you do want peanut butter in bed while you’re having sex and your partner doesn’t, in the long run the thing to do may be to find another partner.” – Dr. Ruth Westheimer
Well, maybe, but not necessarily so.
What two people do with their sexual selves can vary but they should both enjoy and agree to whatever.
You can have great sex without love to be sure but to be able to combine the two is indeed magical. Now, not everyone wants that or is capable or willing to risk that.
It means you can be hurt mortally; emotionally, and you have to give up power and total control.
That is scary. Men in particular, but not exclusively, have a difficult time doing that.
There are sensitive men who do offer their hearts, more easily. But for many men they can have sex; be orgasmic and enjoy a partner but LOVE; that’s a whole other story.
To have him unzip, so to speak, his heart takes a woman that knows what to do.
He needs to really trust her and that she won’t hurt him where it counts; his heart.
It is the woman who leads him to do this. She has to feel confident and want and show her love for him to believe it. That takes time and testing.
It may happen as part of the sexual life and that’s fine. He has sex as his display of love, truly.
For him total surrender is sexual and total surrender in love takes a lot. He needs to be able to be ‘weak,’ and maybe even be dominated. He has to be relieved of his pressures.
He relinquishes his will to his woman’s care.
He needs specific sexual guidelines.
Criticism is the sexual kiss of death.
He likes touch usually and he gets pleasure from seeing you having pleasure.
Sex is not something anyone does to another if it is with love. It is a shared mutually good experience and includes foreplay that begins all day long with words and gestures. It is shared with communication.
It is sort of like eating. Not too fast, variety, new experiments, and a gourmet meal is definitely different from a hamburger on the run at McDonald’s!
To be immersed and savor the moment is the goal, to exquisite pleasure.
Unzipping the pants can be the start of something wonderful to be sure, but nurturing the heart takes a different course in order to unzip it. So much is involved in the whole process from how you think your body looks to knowing about his body and what to do with it.
There is a great book with exact details about this; Passionista by Ian Kerner PhD
Nothing is left to the imagination and he gives step by step guidelines to pleasuring a man.
There is another book by him regarding pleasuring a woman; She Comes First. I recommend them both.
Orgasm is a journey not a destination he says and we all know that; those of us who do know.
Pornography, fantasy, and every conceivable form of sex is discussed. You cannot be shy or embarrassed to get through the book or a great sexual life!
What has been your best sexual experience so far? Why was it the best?
The answers will be important to your continuing or future encounters.
Only three percent of mammals are monogamous. Why?
Probably because lust changes over time, and familiarity and loss of excitement and unpredictability takes over. You know; BORING!!
A wise woman knows how to make it stay alive. No need for Viagra!
Interestingly young men are turning to things like Viagra to make sure they are virulent. Too bad.
The hormone Dopamine get released with love and make you feel good and wanting to repeat the experience. The best drug!!
It makes you want to be attached; literally.
With orgasm women release oxytocin and that is sort of the cuddle drug.
In men they release vasopressin and that allows them to relax and touch. We are different creatures, and nothing will ever change that so get used to it, revel in it, relax and enjoy it! You can learn to slow him down and he can learn how to speed you up; but you are in separate cars!!
“One makes mistakes; that is life. But it is never quite a mistake to have loved.” – Romain Rolland