“I don’t think men and women were meant to live together. They are totally different animals.” – Diana Dors
Do you agree? I kinda do.
We choose mates, not by accident. They appeal to us viscerally and we are drawn to one another for basically mating purposes. What do we do with and to one another?
Turns out society has set up rules to live by and rules regarding responsibilities to partners and children born from our relationships. However, laws are usually a generation behind the behavior.
When Gus Kahn, in 1924, wrote the lyrics to, It Had To Be You, he started it out with the words, With all your faults, I love you still.
Do you? Do you really love him or her with all their faults?
It’s a nice wish and for some it is true but for many the faults override the love and then the relationship slowly or quickly erodes.
The qualities that were so ‘cute’ and endearing in the beginning later become annoying and at times intolerable.
What are the behaviors that get to you?
Usually it has to do with a woman trying to control a husband or vice-versa. Or it can be just those little behaviors that are repetitive that finally add up and get to you.
Have you ever been in a car and not heard a wife complain about her mate’s driving?
The other issue is that what one partner considers a fault is just a way of behaving or reacting that is now a pattern.
Over time the ‘fault’ looms large and is not what one bargained for.
We do change and some of the habits get worse and what may have started out as a minor annoyance now has become Mount Vesuvius.
You can get set off over any part of the pattern.
At times it seems irrational and indeed it may very well be. It can be the last straw.
Maybe there were other factors weighing in that led up to it.
A bad day at work, not feeling well, a headache, problems with friends or family. You can think of any number of examples that will take away that, I love you still.
Over time it will shake out and the relationship will sink or swim based on a myriad of situations.
Overcoming difficulties is a test of real love.
Can the love grow and survive?
That depends on what the faults are and how the partner reacts to them. How often is there a problem?
Is the same issue a disaster time and time again?
Can you tolerate it, move on or do you give up?
If it really ‘had to be you,’ then you will survive.
Recently I had a couple who had been married several decades come for counseling because she was not happy.
Their communication was not good, and their sex life was poor.
She announced she was not leaving even though he annoyed her over and over again with his habits because, Where was she going to go?
That’s not a good enough reason to stay.
With time they were able to move on to a better relationship because at the bottom they did love one another and were good to each other. It is not easy to change and especially when the patterns have been long standing; but it is not impossible if you work at it.
Overlooking and forgiveness are great qualities in a relationship.
Yes, men and women are different animals and they are also different people with varied backgrounds and ideas. Can they adjust and accept each other’s differences? You bet they can!
It works in and out of bed!!
Are you perfect?
Let’s ask your partner!
“Most women set out to try to change a man, and when they have changed him they do not like him.” – Marlene Dietrich