“When you meet a man, don’t you always idly wonder what he’d be like in bed? I do.” – Helen Gurley Brown
Now that’s a lady after my own heart. And don’t be surprised that males do the same, maybe more so. Sex rules the world and the intellect and mind are no match!
While it is true we all want to love the sexual pull drives us and we can maybe fall in love afterwards. Love takes time.
Monogamy is not a natural state. Only nine percent of the species are monogamous and a third of them are primates and 90 percent of birds are. We are not birds!
Females are picky as they need romance and someone to help rear children and support them.
Males focus on youth and attractiveness and want to be sure any children are their own.
We don’t want to be rejected or alone; most of us. Miss Havisham in Dicken’s Great
Expectations lived out her life in a wedding dress and became embittered after being spurned.
Most people are able to suffer lost love and move on. Sex drives us. Nature wants to reproduce itself.
These days we have multiple options and ways to meet one another. The more mature and insightful know who they are and what they need.
There is a lot of calculation and playing games until the right partner is found.
We cannot be totally self-sufficient unless we love our vibrator!
Handling red flags and dealing with all that any relationship entails is one of the most difficult things in this life.
Making a relationship front and center takes a lot. Narcissistic people are disabled here.
Feeling secure with another person holding your heart is not easy to obtain.
Trial and error and testing over time can make it happen.
The more you know the better.
NOW what happens w
hen you lose your virginity or get pregnant by chance?
A wide variety of scenarios can be played out.
Many times, losing virginity for females takes place when theyare under the influence of alcohol or drugs.
Sometimes it’s just part of the culture and everybody’s doing it.
At times it’s curiosity and wanting to get that part of life over with.
It can also be a way of feeling loved or rebellion against parental wishes.
It can be a way of proving to oneself that you are wanted in that fashion.
Sometimes it just feels right.
After that it is up to each individual to decide how they choose to use their bodies and sexuality.
When I was Director of Social Work at a large city hospital we had a government grant to help with all the young unwed mothers. We offered birth control counseling and supplies. We offered school opportunities to complete education and we helped with baby care and whatever a new mother needed.
The hope was that this would prevent further unplanned births. Guess what? It didn’t.
The reasons were varied. Ranging from wanting to hold on to a guy, to wanting something of their very own. It made for an extremely difficult future. Big problems for the individual, the child, the family, and for society in general.
With unwanted pregnancies in an upper-class group some of the dynamics may be the same but they are able to provide for themselves and their child. They may also have a partner involved for their needs; emotional and material.
What is a surprise today is the rather large numbers of educated bright young women who have sex and do not use any form of birth control even though they know all about it and it is available. Russian Roulette Sex!
Again, the reasons are varied.
A guy may force the issue not wanting to wear a condom and she wants to please and hold on to him.
A relationship includes sex, and often the hope for love.
Alcohol, drugs, and the idea that it ‘won’t happen to me’ can take over. Surprise. I have had clients who became pregnant after the first sexual contact with someone. It can happen.
Sometimes the topic is not broached, and the partner assumes that birth control has been taken care of. Surprise again.
Taking this kind of chance has huge consequences and also is not a responsible way to handle something so important in life. Is this how you plan your future? Your child’s?
Thinking your partner will happily accept a pregnancy may open up areas about them that you never knew existed.
Not sharing the pregnancy is not a good option. What does that signify?
While there are choices for birth control and thank goodness, we live in a time when that is available, there is no wonderful option usually.
It makes sex a bit dicey, to say the least.
But with all of it, have sex, enjoy it, learn about you and your partner, and don’t play with chance here.
If you like to gamble; go to Vegas!!
“One person’s safe sex is another’s abstinence – Alice Kahn
Do you use birth control? Does it feel right to you?