The Bitch Factor

“A bitch loves being born. It’s her first experience of making another woman scream and cry.” – Pamela Stephenson

We’ve all heard it or said it, She’s a bitch.

The word has definite connotations and we know what it means when we say or hear it.

It’s that definable something that means a woman is behaving in a manner that we do not like.

She is often demanding, inconsiderate, self-serving, narcissistic, and not what we view as positive.

Now there are times when any of us can be like that. Maybe we had a bad day, the hair doesn’t look good, someone did something we did not like, and so on. We then turn on that aspect of ourselves. The question becomes; how often does this behavior occur, or is it a part of the personality all the time.

Being ‘bitchy’ can be a factor in a relationship that makes it exciting.

Many men have been raised by mothers who were bitches and that is what they know and expect from    a woman.

There are a whole group of men who like this type of woman as she keeps them on their toes.

Some like having a demanding woman to lead them and tell them what to do, and even think.

I once had a client couple that exemplifies this whole pattern.

He was very well educated, and wealthy. She was fairly attractive and bright.

They were married for a number of years and it was his second marriage.

They had children together and he was a docile, kind, wanting to please, husband.

The relationship was one where he did her bidding all the time and they came to see me after they had planned a vacation and he planned golf days and she took a fit.

Once in counseling he saw the pattern.

She, naturally, thought it was just a fine regular marriage.

The history showed her mother had been dominated by her overbearing father and she hated seeing that.

His father had been the busy money maker who was rarely home.                                                                                                                         

They both had reasons for who they turned out to be in the marriage.

With one failed marriage he certainly tried his damnedest not to end this one. The children also factored in.

She was referred for psychiatric evaluation as I felt her pattern was so ingrained it needed dynamite to change it.

He saw what type of life he was leading and realized he had not been fulfilled or happy for a long time. His needs were brushed aside and not even given the slightest attention… until he wanted to play golf!

They ended up divorced and it was a messy one.

Often our work is helping people come to terms with making a difficult decision and ending a relationship in a constructive fashion. The hope is that they will have learned enough to go on and make a happier, better relationship in the future.

Often however, the patterns persist as the individual has not changed emotionally and the needs and habits remain. So, it is not unusual to see a man who leaves one bitch, only to find and marry another.

Bitches over time hold on fiercely.

As they lose their looks, or their body changes, they can only control with emotional holds. They become more demanding and intolerable.

Have you ever seen an older couple where the husband is so down trodden, and beaten down that he is a mere shadow of a person? They are all around us. Look outside a mall and see the older men sitting on benches while their wives spend their money and they have a vapid stare. There is no personality or energy left. They are like puppets with their wives pulling the strings; literally.

They have given up long ago. It was easier than an all-out battle. The sad part is many were successful in careers and after retirement had nowhere to go. Some do escape with things like golf, for instance.

There is a difference if a man calls a woman a bitch, as opposed to when a woman calls another woman a, ’bitch.’

With men it’s usually about being demanding of him. With women it’s usually about a nasty personality. It also can be a form of competition. What’s especially amusing is when one bitch calls another one a bitch! Then who is the real bitch?

In the end any of us can be a bitch at times and that’s okay. It’s a matter of degree as are many things in this life.

“A bitch is more memorable than a sweet housewife.” – Bette Davis

How do you define, bitch? Are you one? Know any?

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