“From the promise to the deed is a day’s journey.” – Bulgarian Proverb
How true is that!
At this wonderful time of the year with a brand-new year approaching, the proverbial resolution comes into play.
How many make resolutions and what are they about, and how many are kept?
A new year means a new beginning in many senses and making promises is a natural process.
Children make them all the time. They promise to be good and to clean up their rooms and so on.
Adults make promises to themselves and others about several categories; their bodies, their living conditions, and their goals.
Some people make promises when they are angry or when others are angry about something with them.
Some make promises when they are happy and want to improve some aspect of their lives.
Some are small and rather inconsequential while others are important, and some are life- changing.
Yes, there are promises to lose weight, to drink less, to fix something in the house, to not spend money frivolously, to go back to school, get a better job, and so on.
Can anyone trust the promises made?
That depends on the past experiences.
That is also the reason we have lawyers and written agreements!
The big issue that I want to address here is the area of promises about relationships.
There is huge group of people who made promises in one form or another but who were not about to stick to them or carry them out.
How many parents and children are estranged?
The ‘agreement’ was the promise to protect and love one another for life.
Life however made a change in that plan.
Parents and children become enemies, so to speak.
A variety of reasons may have caused this and led to this outcome.
Parents may not like the partner a child has chosen. There may be a payback for earlier perceived wrongdoing. Values may differ. Stresses such as divorce and on and on, may have led to the fallout.
Many parents scapegoat a child or their partner if they feel disrespected or do not like the way a partner treats their child. There may be secrets that cause the communication to cease. Whatever the reason, it takes time to get to that unfortunate end.
There can be siblings that do not connect with one another.
Again, the reasons can be varied.
What is sad from my perspective is that families miss out a great deal and people feel badly or guilty about such actions.
I do not deny that some estrangements are good and can be beneficial, even necessary in some cases, if the relationship is too toxic or debilitating.
Estrangements can be for any period of time and some last a lifetime. Holidays, family occasions such as weddings and funerals are especially poignant. There is a hole if you will, that is there.
Now when it comes to that really big promise; I will be here and love you forever, in marriage or a long-term relationship it can get really dicey.
That promise needs addressing; especially these days.
I don’t care how many new years you have shared, that promise should be reevaluated and looked at every so often.
That is the one promise that I believe should be meaningful and given breathing room for free choice every so many years; maybe every five years.
Then it has a chance of being fulfilled and trusted.
In any relationship communication; open, and honest, is the key.
There can be things withheld to be sure in order to protect a partner but by and large sharing ideas and feelings is crucial to keeping the promise to be there and loving you forever alive!!
This new year make those promises to yourself first and then to whomever you choose… and then let’s talk next year!
“We promise according to our hopes, and perform according to our fears.” – La Rochefoucauld
Go ahead… make a resolution AND then tell me what happened next year!