“When we hate our enemies, we give them power over us—power over our sleep, our appetites, our blood pressure, our health, and our happiness. Our enemies would dance with joy if they surmised that they worry and lacerate us. Our hatred is not hurting them at all; it only turns our own days and nights into a hellish turmoil.” – Unknown
That’s a very true statement and most of us cannot get out of our own way when it comes to these feelings. Much of it is based on feelings of jealousy.
When we look at another and see things we feel we lack we become jealous. We envy what they have or what they possess.
We are resentful and often that can turn to anger or even hatred.
The basis of it all however, is that we feel lacking in some important way. It points up something in us that just doesn’t feel good or right. We need what the ‘other’ has.
It goes back to values and what we learned, and as adults, what matters to us.
We cannot escape our family’s messages. We cannot escape our country’s values, and we cannot escape what our peer group deems important.
To buck any or all of this is a monumental task. It is extremely difficult before we become grown up. And not easy after that either.
It means that you have to be, first of all, your own person. You have to really think that you and what you believe and have is sufficient for your well-being.
If not, your unease may drive you to drink… or worse!
You truly have to trust your emotions and be aware of what is going on. Again that basic root of so much; insight. Many balk at looking at themselves openly and honestly. It is not easy. Knowing both your good and bad aspects is not for everyone.
Jealousy can begin at very tender points in life when we may not even be aware.
A parent may prefer another sibling, or give attention and affection elsewhere while our needs linger out there.
As we grow up we may be doing that all-American thing; competing for grades in school, acceptance by peers, attention from the opposite sex, acquiring things, and so on.
We may not look the way our role models; movie stars and the like, do. We may not be athletic like the heroes out there. We may not be accepted at prestigious colleges. We may not get that job we wanted. We may not move up the ladder. And the big one: we may not possess all the material things out there that say, ‘You are successful.’
I have known a nice-looking woman who is healthy, with a fine education, a professional career, a loyal husband, and normal good kids. She lives in a multi-million-dollar home and has every luxury she could want. That’s from the outside. Internally she is a miserable envious human being and keeps looking at her lot in life. It can really ‘eat them up’ inside. Happiness eludes these people and they certainly cannot be giving and loving as their well is not full. If you need water you cannot offer some to another. Only people who are fulfilled themselves have something to give to another. That is true for family members as well. The envious parent has little to offer emotionally to a spouse or children, let alone friends or strangers.
The people who are really loved and giving are ‘satisfied’ people. Satisfaction is different for each of us.
Whenever you see that you know it immediately. And the opposite is also true. When you see a malcontent, it is because they are not happy within themselves.
Now in a love situation, it is the same.
If your partner is not trusted by you, it is because you are not feeling adequate to meet their needs and they are looking elsewhere.
It never matters how old you are, how you look, or what you do. If you are insecure and it comes out in any form your partner may take advantage of that. You too can try to have your ego boosted by another if you need that. It is a dicey situation. The best way to get through is to share your feelings and talk about what you feel and need. The problem is often that you are embarrassed or afraid you won’t be ‘accepted’ if those feelings are shared. Holding them in can cause all sorts of problems; emotionally, and physically. There are no ‘perfect’ people walking the earth and we all have standards and individual needs and wants. There is nothing wrong in striving to obtain what we would like. It is when it becomes too consuming and we are constantly looking and comparing ourselves to others that the problems arise.
To be an individual in your own right and even to buck the norm or crowd takes courage and knowledge. It is worth the challenge. No one can be YOU!!
“The grass may look greener next door, but it’s just as hard to cut.”
Tell the truth… what are you jealous of? Have you tried to get over it? How?