Married And Alone

We have all heard of the brothels for men to visit and have their ‘needs’ taken care of. They are everywhere.

Finally a ‘house’ for women was opened near Las Vegas.

They had a variety of services available.

For one hundred dollars you could be fondled.

For two hundred dollars you could be kissed.

For three hundred dollars sex was available. AND…

For five hundred dollars he would LISTEN to you when you talked!

Ha…  and not so, ha, ha.

Many women and I think some men feel they are married, (or in a long-term relationship), and they feel very much alone. Having someone there in your presence is not enough.

Going through daily activities and talking about things that do not have intimacy, caring, loving, or real connection is missing.

A partner who doesn’t touch you, laugh with you, enjoy moments with you, or just let you know what you mean to them is what I am referring to here. You are very definitely ALONE in the relationship.   You might as well not be there or anyone else could be in your place. The YOU is not appreciated.

You can be respected, and you can share activities and niceties BUT you are alone. You feel it.

Sometimes it can be a brief period or it can go on for a long, long time. Even if sex is still viable it can be a matter of doing it but no real warmth.

Recently, I had a conversation with a male friend who had been married a very long time. He spoke about never wanting to be touched. When I questioned him about missing that or not knowing something was very wrong there, his response was, ’I never thought about it.’

That’s too bad and we do need to be aware and face our needs and feelings honestly.

Then the task is to share those feelings with a partner.

Now if age, mental problems, life stresses, or physical problems get in the way that can be discussed. Maybe the focus has to be on one or the other as a result at that time. If it doesn’t change then you have to decide if you can take it for what it is and manage to live well, or if you need another outlet.

Memories can help. Other family members, friends, hobbies, interests, or pets can fill the bill for many. If it has to be a person then the search for another will happen. You are ripe and ready to share love that has disappeared or maybe was never there in the first place the way you desired.

Time does strange things and relationships are never static. People change and needs do not stay the same.

Being alone in a relationship is a very lonely unhappy feeling. Sometimes it can turn into real resentment or anger.

Today with things like dating sites and Facebook there are ways to connect albeit short term and superficial for the most part but connected anyway. Some of it can be dangerous as well.

The thing about loneliness in a long-term relationship is that it can now feel stale and brittle.

The only way to solve it is …you know it…  talk and talk some more. Get the feelings out.

If the capacity to change is there that will do it. If not, at least you got out your feelings.

At times some relationships feel like you are talking to a stranger who doesn’t speak your language. Indeed some couples where there are basic differences are in that mode a long time. Sometimes the capacity to even understand the hurt is not there. Then you are up a tree and have to determine if there is enough to keep you in that relationship.

Connection is through caring and expressing that caring in many ways on a regular basis.

There are many lonely people who are not living alone.

“I could never be lonely without a husband.” – Lillian Russell

Have you ever felt this type of loneliness? What did you do about it? Who knows the REAL you?


One thought on “Married And Alone

  1. Ive never experienced this before but if I were to advice a couple going through this. The first I’ll give them is to drop all ego, acknowledge , ask themselves how they got that point and decide to make commitments to save their relationship. Things to follow then are physical contact, doing activities together, doing things with your partner selflessly not because you like it but because it makes your partner happy and other activities every ideal couple does. The relationship would definitely find life again if all this is done.
    Taryn Mason


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