Used or Abused

A woman in a boat was stopped by a maritime police officer as she cruised in a lake.

When she asked what the problem was he announced he was giving her an expensive ticket for her violation. “What violation?” she asked.

“You are not permitted to fish in these waters,” he said.

“But I’m not fishing,” she replied.

“You have lines and poles here so you could use them,” he said. As he preceded to write the ticket she screamed, ”Rape!”

Other boaters came to her boat.

“What are you doing,” the policeman yelled.

“Well, you have the equipment and you COULD use it,” she announced.

Enough said.

Recently I have had a number of people tell me about their bad experiences of being used by men in a sexual fashion. Some of the situations are indeed what I would deem beyond ‘used’ and become ‘abuse.’

One woman who was in her fifties told me about a married psychiatrist who was romancing her and having sex with her regularly. She learned this went on with other patients as well.

There is no other word for such behavior other than ‘exploitative.’

It is taking advantage of a vulnerable person for one’s own benefit. How awful.

Yes, she felt ‘chosen’ and in a sense ‘loved’ but at what expense, and was it genuine?

And did she have to pay for these ‘sessions?’

Another woman also about sixty was in a relationship with a man a bit younger. She was educated, successful, and worldly; all the things he was not. He was however, good-looking and sexy.

He took money from her and had a number of other women he was buying things for she found out. She allowed this situation to go on, as did the former woman I wrote about for a number of years. WHY??

The fact of the matter is that sex does make the world go round and women are particularly vulnerable in this area.

While it is true that the sex desires and drive for women, in many cases, reaches the level equal to men they are able to deal with it differently. They do the promotional work behind the scenes while men and their sexuality is literally ‘out there’ for all to observe! Once ignited it is more difficult for a man’s response to be squelched.

There are PREDATORS who look for women to USE and ABUSE. Yes, women can seduce and many have used men in their fashion but sexually it is the men who prey on women.

They use their powerful positions; does the name Clinton ring a bell? They use money when they are short, fat, bald and boring! They use whatever will ‘get’ the female to bed. Flattery is a big one. Just look at Facebook and the comments from strange men to women whose pictures they like.

It starts out with a ‘Hello beautiful,’ or something like that.

The thing is they are willful and make the female feel ‘chosen.’ She sees it as exciting and an escape from the daily tedium of life. Nothing beats feeling special and cared about. Needing sex is what ignites it. Sometimes she uses sex to get the emotional needs met. In that sense she too uses a man.

No one has the right to tell anyone else how to live; except parents of small children.

No one can decide what any woman should tolerate or accept. No one can live it but her. My own advice is that when the ‘pain’ outweighs the ‘pleasure’ you will want to move along. And there are women who accept and tolerate great ABUSE for years and years. They need something from that man and will do whatever it takes to get it.

While outsiders can observe what is happening and deplore it, it is meaningless to say anything because nothing will work to end it. The head knows what is happening but the emotional part will always trump that.

Do both parties get something they need in the end….you bet! BUT and it’s a big BUT, being exploited is an unequal relationship that is really unfair.

Whoever said life is fair, anyway?

“Illusory joy is often worth more than genuine sorrow.”     Rene’  Descartes

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