Love Minus IN

“Never underestimate the power of passion.” – Eve Sawyer

Hopefully you have all been there or hopefully, again, will get there one day; having love with passion.

In all my decades of counseling I have met any number of people who regrettably have never known and experienced that unbelievable feeling of total abandon; real true love. That means the mind, body, and soul are turned over and out of your control. You give up your SELF!

That is always sad to me but I certainly understand the fear, and inability to love that deeply; it is a frightening manner in which to live. And that’s okay. It can be a fine, productive and happy life for many. Happiness is relative, (name of a former blog, by the way). We all have limits in every area and love may be one of the most precious qualities we cannot share completely. Again, that’s fine. Whatever works.

We have many varieties of love. We are ‘loved’ in return by all these groups as well, and that feels good.

We love parents, siblings, friends, colleagues, pets, and even strangers. We share parts of ourselves in any fashion we are comfortable with.

Now with a partner we can share a history, and we can go through the days in a comfortable, mundane style. We have disappointments and anger, and all the ups and downs that life offers. We may have had a passion but time and familiarity have worn it away. There is no challenge. There are few surprises. There is no resistance and nothing to ‘fight’ for. He or she is ‘mine.’

We settle down to a simple daily caring and that is NICE. Nice but flat and predictable.

Sometimes crises can shake it up. Then there can be growth after the trauma. Often this type of situation will cause a readjustment, if you will, that makes people change and evaluate their lives. They can gain appreciation for life and their partner in a new and deeper way. It opens up new possibilities and behaviors. It’s Nietzsche’s,” What does not kill me makes me stronger.” That, of course, implies it has not killed you! Some relationships do a complete turnaround as the individuals are now on a different level themselves. Sometimes also the relationship may end or become’ brittle’ as one has changed while the other has not.

At any rate, the going through the motions of life will go on ad infinitude.

Now let’s talk about the IN part.

When you are IN love the world is technicolor. You are divinely happy, even at hard times, and you are emotionally hooked. You see the partner as turned on by you, and you are excited by him, or her. You want to be close, touch, hold, hug, kiss, and have sex….as much as possible. You only light up when they are there. You wait for their call or text. You melt at their voice. You dress for them. You are happy. You enjoy everything. Romantic movies have a different meaning; you relate to them and see yourself in them. Music is a way of being happy. Everything has a rainbow around it. You are nicer to everyone. The difference is noticeable. Love with passion is the height of it all. Being IN love is a way of life, and once experienced there is no other way to live.

If for whatever reason it is ended there is grieving. If you ended it for ‘good’ reasons, there is learning to be gained for the ‘next’ time. Whatever the length of time, and whatever the circumstances, being in   love is always ‘worth it!’

We don’t teach people how to get there or what is involved so it is a chance that we have happen to us and we either grab it or live without it. Much learning takes place by trial and error and what we thought was ‘love’ may turn out to be a form of love but we are not IN love. Some people experience it once or twice usually in a lifetime. Some people never think about it or care to explore the issue at all. Many live ‘adequate’ lives with ‘fair’ sex, and others just plain settle for comfort and routine.

To be and stay IN love takes knowledge, insight, and risk, coupled with a lot of overlooking, communication, and forgiveness. Being creative and playful and offering surprises also helps. A sense of humor and self- deprecation can do wonders.

And best of all, there is no age limit on any of this. Learning how to share oneself totally is possible at any point in life. It is always sweet and wonderful.

Whatever your pleasure go for it!!

“It is my misfortune that my heart cannot be content, even for one hour, without love.” – Catherine the Great

Have you ever been IN love?  If not, why not? Would you like to be?

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