“The best way to turn a woman’s head is to tell her she has a nice profile.” Martin Block
You guys need to pay attention.
This business of flattery really works.
Now men like to be flattered too. The areas they want to hear about have to deal with their sexual prowess, their strength and body, and their money. They like to hear these things about themselves from women in particular.
BUT, women thrive on flattery in a different way; they need it to connect with a man.
The things they want to hear deal with mainly their looks. They want to be seen as beautiful. Their faces and bodies cry out for adoring words. If they hear them they are YOURS!
Now the question becomes; is it the truth?
Some people are very good at sweet talking. Others outright lie to get what they want. The person being told those sweet words may, in fact, come to believe them even if they formerly felt differently. Tell someone often enough something and they may get to actually believe it. That can be a good ego booster. Even if only one person thinks so, it helps.
We all know how we ‘rate’ because we have experiences from day one telling us. We are beautiful, we are smart, we are talented etc. If the message is reinforced it becomes how we really feel and perceive ourselves. If the ego then becomes strong any adverse message is not effective and tossed aside. If the image we have of ourselves is not so secure it can be shaken with any small contrary message. Who does the ‘messaging’ also counts. If someone we respect, who has experience tells us something about ourselves it matters. If any ‘fool’ mouths off we can discard it right away.
What gets ‘put in’ early in life is hard to shake. Parents can do damage here and many do; most unwittingly. Often, we judge ourselves as compared to a sibling, for example. That can be good or bad and make us competitive. Peers later give out messages as do teachers and so on. The early imprint is hard to change but not impossible. Also, if we feel shaky in one area we can ‘bone up’ in others to compensate for our not feeling great.
Now flattery is well described by Aesop in his fable ‘The Fox and The Crow.’
A fox is walking in the woods and looking for food as he is hungry. He comes across a crow with a piece of cheese in her mouth, on a limb of a tree.
He says,”Good morning, beautiful creature.” The crow listened but kept the cheese in her beak.
The fox continued about how charming she was, how her feathers shone, and her lovely wings. She kept her beak closed.
Then the fox said that he knew she had a very lovely voice and should be the Queen of Birds.
Listening to his words she lost her suspicion and let out her voice. The cheese dropped right into the fox’s mouth! “Thank you,” he said and to himself,” Though it is cracked you have a voice sure enough but where are your wits?”
Get the message?
Of course, you do.
We all want to be flattered and we all want to believe the flatterer. It is so even if we are secure and know what is said is true. It is an acceptance and appreciation that it is not for naught that we are….beautiful, smart, talented…..whatever.
Some people are genuinely modest and have a difficult time with flattery and that’s just their nature. They are not used to or comfortable with it. Okay, so be it.
The thing is that in a relationship men can use flattery to get what they want from a woman. She is indeed the crow, and loves to hear what he is saying. Her ears are a great preamble to foreplay. Trust me guys; it works!!
There are men who excel at this and have honed it to a science. Be careful….
In the end we all like to hear nice things about ourselves and especially when we ourselves know them to be honest reactions. It makes us feel good and loving and wanting to ‘give’ in some form to the flatterer. No problem!!
“I’m tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin deep. That’s enough. What do you want—-an adorable pancreas?” Jean Kerr
Who flatters you? About what? Do you use flatterey on anyone? Is it honest?