Bare It … Then Bear It

“I knew I belonged to the public and to the world, not because I was talented or even beautiful, but because I had never belonged to anything or anyone else.” – Marilyn Monroe

Lately I have been perusing Facebook, mainly for this blog and my book. While I am technologically ‘retarded,’ I have found a slew of people requesting being my ‘friend.’ Now this is sort of fun and it’s a big wide world out there.

What I rather quickly discovered was the way in which people ‘advertised’ themselves.

So many young beautiful women are there showing their breasts in every imaginable fashion. Many are obviously enhanced by plastic surgery. It is amazing to me. Just what do these ladies think will happen? We know….  men will respond.

Now the guys show their muscles and cars. Interesting: not other body parts.

These females bare a part of themselves that is there to attract and say they are a sex object.

Don’t get me wrong; when I stop being a sex object, it’s all over. I think being desired in a sexual fashion is what being alive is about. But let me tell you a secret.

Leaving a mystery and fantasy and wish to explore more is far sexier than showing it up front.

What happens after the guy takes the ‘bait?’

A fairly recent book, ’Testosterone Rex’ by Cordelia Fine examined the ideas that men are more risk takers than women. They are more lustful, aggressive and competitive than women. She dispelled all of this. She gave two fascinating non- human examples. The male macaque monkeys often carry and groom their babies and female sandpipers are promiscuous. Cute.

Anyway, I just think that showing breasts and often ‘bottoms’ or figures in seductive ways does not enhance your sexuality or make you more desirable and certainly says nothing about what comes next.

In another article in Philadelphia Magazine there was a huge spread about what goes on in the city. Headings included;

‘I’m a cheating newlywed’ followed by ’I’m 77 and having the best sex of my life.’ (That one was encouraging!), and then there were, ’I’m a secret dominatrix.’ (This was from a smart college senior and made me a bit sad). Another was ‘I have to shave, what?’ There were other parts of what goes on behind closed doors that probably made many local people shocked.

Because of my decades professionally as a counselor in this field I was not shocked. What I was, was sorry that people have become commodities and romance, longing and intimacy over time may be out the window in many situations.

Sex gets the ball rolling to be sure. No pun intended. But what is included in the flesh on flesh part afterwards?

Who says what, and what kind of relationship ensues?

Anyone who follows my blog knows that I deal with whole relationships and that means the ups and downs. When love enters the picture, there is much to ‘bear.’

What usually happens is that after a period of time sex alone can’t hold two people together.

I much prefer couples to ‘tease’ and get to like one another along with the sexual component. If IT is right out there in your face what is there to wait for or offer?

The most famous love stories include sex to be sure but they also have many other elements involved in the relationship; including the agony that real love involves.

The ‘bearing’ of a relationship is not easy or learned. By being ‘bare’ there may be a big hindrance to opening up other areas that would do the relationship a better service.

From my perspective, you should always be ‘marketable’ and attractive. You should be looked at, admired, and sought after. If you are not ‘beautiful’ in the movie star version that doesn’t mean you cannot be desirable. And it’s not just having a ‘good personality.’ There are so many facets to being attracted that there are people for every type and every look. Just look around.

What happens is that after about seven years couples get itchy and begin to feel a partner is too well know, familiar and boring. They may begin to regard other people as potential partners for whatever. That’s dangerous.

In time, I think we will have relationships that are contracts that we review and decide if we want to continue together; for three, five, or whatever number of years. It’s beginning to happen.

It certainly won’t be your breasts that make the contract renewable in the end!

Develop as an interesting fun human being and that will hold up when time and the breasts sag. Plastic surgery can’t be done in those areas…. yet!

“When we consider the significant cultural shifts of the past few years, the removal of Pamela Anderson’s breast implants must rank right up there at the top.” – Suzanne Moore

Are you on Facebook?  What do you show and say about yourself?  Have you ‘met’ people you like as a result?

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