“Life is not a spectacle or a feast: it is a predicament.” – George Santayana
Ain’t that the truth?
When you have loved completely and in every way possible you hope it never ends. The end may only come with the death of one of you.
These relationships are rare indeed and often not in first marriages or connections.
When love comes at a mature level after life’s many experiences and when people know themselves it is the magic that cannot be duplicated.
There are many who live out their lives in ‘living death’ or resignation.
There are many who ‘protect’ their hearts and cannot be totally vulnerable and live with insensitivity.
I don’t have to belabor the point. When it is a love that you feel you cannot exist without; only death with the pain that it brings, can release you.
That release is physical but the mental and heart parts do not die. The survivor has to live without that love.
The lover is gone but the feelings persist… maybe forever.
While life is for the living, part of you can die with that death.
The ‘hole’ in the heart may never heal. People who talk about ‘closure’ have never been there. There is NO closure.
Yes, you can go through the motions of life, and true you can love others, or maybe even a new love BUT…
The BUT is that there will ALWAYS be a part of your heart that will never be relinquished again in the same way.
Now if all of this happens later in life it is a passion that few experience and the young cannot know it.
Everyone in this kind of love feels they are the only ones that have it. Read poetry.
What is fascinating is that those that have loved in this fashion are all the same but the grieving is different for each one.
How it is expressed and dealt with is unique to each individual. There are some similarities to be sure but there are many differences here.
Hearts do break.
The pain of loving another in life cannot be avoided, and death does end that part of it.
The lists of what you will not miss and what you will miss is special in every case.
This life is transient and we all know no one gets out of here alive. We all want more time together when we love and we feel hurt, abandoned and wish we were not the ones left to cope.
When friends say how fortunate we were to have shared what we did, and had whatever time we had together, that is a true statement but it is NEVER enough.
The funny part of some of this is that with widows, for example, the dead partner, who was not a saint or even a great love, becomes perfect in death.
The ‘fight’ for love is arduous and real. The ‘fight’ to go on is real and hard.
Sweet memories will linger. A smell, a sight of someone who reminds you of the love, or a myriad of other things can trigger a happy moment or a tearful one.
In this case love does have an expiration date. It’s called DEATH.
The message is to be so close in life that the death will not separate you, and you can go on and function and be an involved human being still.
No platitudes or rationalization will help; only living and connecting with others will help. Let the tears flow, let the grief overcome you, and then find a way to go on.
Doing something in the loved one’s memory can help too.
Living the way they might have wanted you to go on is another message.
While their body detaches from us, the thoughts and feelings they leave us with linger forever. These do not get buried!!
“Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.” – Soren Kierkegaard