“If we all said to people’s faces what we say behind one another’s backs, society would be impossible.” Honore’ de Balzac
Truth in its’ pure form is maybe not a good idea in all human relationships. We need to ‘use’ one another.
Does that mean we are all liars, two-faced, or hypocrites?
In part perhaps so.
There are no angels walking this earth and no perfect or full time wonderful people.
The fact of the matter is that at times the truth may not be what is the best or even the kindest way to engage with someone.
Is there real empathy in people? Does anyone truly act unselfishly?
My own feeling is that we are all in this life to mainly satisfy our own needs emotionally.
What we do in the guise of charity or kindness gestures serves us in some fashion. It makes us feel good, important, or worthwhile. It gives us a pleasurable feeling. That is a good thing.
In intimate relationships we do use one another all the time; knowingly or more often, unknowingly.
With family members, parents can ‘use’ their children for their own purposes to make them look successful. They can use children in harmful ways sacrificing the child’s welfare for their own usually angry or immature needs. This can be extremely harmful and a very poor use of another person; especially vulnerable children. At times parents use their children to live vicariously through them or to make up for what they did not have or achieve. Again, a poor choice, and this behavior doesn’t allow the child to become their own person unless they are strong enough to eventually fight off the parent’s influence.
With siblings, there can be other uses; to share or help one another or to go the other way and sabotage one or another for a competitive advantage….for whatever reason.
Adult children can use parents for all sorts of reasons; time, money, favoritism, you name it.
We all want to be thought well of and appreciated and will go to many lengths to achieve that goal.
We use people at work for our own purposes. We use friends for all sorts of things; time, company, listening, complaining, going out, decision making and again the list goes on.
There is no guide line or rule book for how to best use people. Generally we know when it is for good or evil. Often we overuse some and others are underused. Some are outgrown and others are cultivated as new ‘prospects.’
We and life are not static, and if we only want what we know and are accustomed to we may not grow and our lives are merely repeated boring habits.
Using each other means that we run the risk of being unappreciated or misunderstood at times and that’s all normal. Then only communication will solve the dilemma. Some relationships may have to be salvaged and some of it can be painful or cause us to examine the situation and our part in it.
With intimacy we use one another in all the ways possible. The problem is that no one person can meet all our needs all the time. We have to learn to compromise; that nasty business.
Then it becomes what values are most important. What can we give up, loosen up, or change?
If we use one another well enough and love one another truly we can use each other well.
Even with maturation and changes the love that we share will let us use each other in the most important ways.
Daily life, sharing decisions and plans, enjoying different activities and people, physically connecting including sex, and what we do with money and how we live are all ways we use one another.
The bottom line is it’s fine as long as we really love and care about the ‘other.’ My pleasure comes from loving you!!
It’s only when I use you for solely my pleasure and care little or nothing about yours that there can be a problem.
So, don’t be afraid of that word ‘use’ in any of these aspects. If we didn’t ‘use’ one another what do we need you for??
“Love makes bitter things sweet; love converts base copper to gold. By love dregs become clear; by love pains become healing. By love the dead are brought to life; by love a king is made a slave.” Jalal Al-Din Rumi
Quote How are you used? How have you used another person?