“It is hardly possible to estimate how many marriages fail to prosper or are actually ruined because the man lacks any inkling of the art of love.” – Count Hermann Keyserling
Some of you may know or have recently read in The Atlantic magazine the article by Lori Gottlieb, Marry Him.
I, for one disagree with what she has as a premise; get married just to marry, or to have children; especially if you have reached age thirty and have not found, Mr. Right.
That would make you marrying ‘Mr. Right Now!’ DON’T do it!!
I don’t care what she thinks. I have lived long enough and been in this business long enough to tell you it is a huge mistake.
True, being alone, wanting children and getting older is not easy for the best of women. Makes no difference how beautiful, sexy, intelligent, rich or interesting you are; finding love is NEVER easy.
HOWEVER, to live without it you might as well be dead. Having children, which attaches you for life to someone is a BIG mistake. What do you think you are demonstrating to those children?
What kind of choices do you want them to make? I know all the rationalizations. I know all the arguments and I also know human nature. Whatever your emotional needs are they will not be buried forever.
You can read the lives of many fabulous and some not so fabulous females who chose not to marry and then fell in love at some point and indeed married.
And yes, marriage may not be forever or without all its’ anguish but being in love and being together is worth whatever the price.
My theory is also that people who have the capacity for love, and feel good about themselves, usually do have ‘others’ find them and connect.
I truly wonder about those females who can’t be themselves and accept a man for who he is and let love blossom. You CAN teach people and partners in particular how to love.
The first step is that one we all know; physical attraction. From there everything else flows.
You can see him without the rose- colored glasses in time, and you can see ALL the warts, however the physical pull should get you back and through it.
I also am sexist and believe males are more easily satisfied, while women are picky and find all sorts of fault.
If you are a real woman, in my book, his attraction and turn on to you is all that matters to get the whole shebang going!
These females who are alone and complain about it aren’t doing what they need to; looking at themselves and working on their ideas and values.
If your feet aren’t next to someone you really care about in bed, you are wasting your life. You can lie to the world and even to your mother, but not to yourself.
Again, I don’t care what anyone says, we need to love and be loved.
Substitutes can assist and maybe that’s all there is in your lifetime, and maybe you’re okay with that. That’s fine… it’s your life and this is not a dress rehearsal!
Romance is not taught; it is learned and it has to go through fire and brimstone to endure.
Who decides what is right for you?
Fairy tales are read from childhood, but real life is not a fairy tale. Often, it’s a nightmare. Okay, that’s life. That’s marriage, and that’s love.
Some have many trials and never get it right; some have one that is good forever; and most have a couple that make the grade.
I know love is possible. I know love can last. I know love and passion make this life what it should be.
What I also know is that it takes a leap of faith to follow your instincts and then lots of work to keep a flame alive.
So, if you are ‘making do,’ or ‘settling’ be aware… you may be unsettling yourself for the rest of your life.
DO NOT DO IT!!!
Having ‘anyone’ is not a necessity. Having a baby alone is a really tough road, and being with someone who doesn’t excite you, (no matter the age), is just not worth it in the end.
This is a big wide world, so don’t tell me finding someone to love is impossible… I don’t buy it! For the New Year; Find somebody to love!!!
“A husband is what is left of a man after the nerve has been extracted.” – Helen Rowland