“Love doesn’t attempt to bind, ensnare, capture. It is light, free of the burden of attachments. Love asks nothing, is fulfilled in itself. When love is there, nothing remains to be done.” – Vimala Thakar
There you have it. We engage with people; not puppets!
Now there are any number of men who want to control their women. They do it in a variety of ways. Some include being nasty, strong, bullying, withholding or supervising money, threatening any sort of behavior and so on.
What this is about is when females try to control, or attempt to change their partner.
This is usually performed in less heavy handed manner and with different controls.
In any relationship, there are areas and attitudes and ways of acting that displease a partner. No one can meet all your needs all the time. And you too, are no angel doing what your partner needs all the time!
There can be things said, acting in ways that displease and all sorts of things that get you, ‘mad.’
Females spend a lot of time over minutia and ‘hurt’ feelings. It can sound sexist but in all my decades of counseling and observing that’s what I see.
Everyone is fragile and flawed.
Love includes loss; of some independence, and a lot of misunderstanding. We communicate on many levels. Often, we conjecture up ideas or misinterpret words or behavior. All based on our backgrounds and no two people are identical in these areas.
We want completeness, and understanding and total acceptance. We are all vulnerable to things like flattery and hurt by neglect.
If we love and are loved then we need to ALLOW the partner to be who they are.
We fell in love with that person. If we ever thought we were capable of changing them or indeed wanted to change them; lots of luck!
True there can be some aspects that can be enhanced or diminished but the basic core will be there.
If you cannot control what you don’t like you really need to realize that the PERSON is who you chose!
If you need control have children or a dog. Even here they move on their own at some point.
If the relationship becomes loveless as a result of your disappointment then you decide whether you want to continue.
The old Pygmalion story only works if the partner NEVER grows up and becomes a person in their own right.
How can you RESPECT someone who allows you to pull the strings?
While there are relationships of long standing that are like a controlled puppet the ‘puppet’ may rebel, or worse, get sick.
None of us is happy all the time and there are many obstacles to lasting love with passion, but control will not work in a mature relationship that has true love.
If you are on guard a lot and hear the ‘wrong’ word or endure the behavior that upsets you a good bit of the time you should examine the core of what you share.
Being ‘normal’ includes some of all the things we don’t like. It’s the percentage that counts.
We all usually change with time, and disillusion sets in. Arguments take two and we do not learn about love in any school. We are on our own, usually with poor examples from the homes we grew up in.
The bottom line is to acknowledge that he brings you your main happiness and you don’t want to live without him. You probably kissed a number of ‘frogs’ before choosing him so now learn to forgive, accept and show caring. It’ll make you happier in the end!
“My happiness grows in direct proportion to my acceptance and in inverse proportion to my expectations.”- Michael J. Fox