“Accept unhappiness of the deepest love as the price of feeling fully alive.” – Unknown
Nice quote, isn’t it? The reality is it’s true and anyone who has ever known deep love knows it to the core. If you honestly answer the question of why you are with him, you may know the truth… and then again you may not!
We do not choose whom we love. It chooses us.
When you are in that kind of a relationship there is no one who can replace him. There is no one you long for. There is no one else you want to touch and give all of yourself to; emotionally and physically. It is a hell on earth when he doesn’t do what you need from him.
The theory that is probably true is that you are a part of his life and he is ALL of yours. I don’t care what they say; men and women are different!!
When you bring each other happiness all is wonderful. When there is a thorn in between you it is pure misery.
While no one is happy all the time the scale has to be tilted in the favor of pleasure over pain for it to be a good connection.
There are always problems. Always misunderstandings. Always unmet needs at times. There are any number of obstacles to love. Anyone who thinks love is easy knows nothing about love.
A recent book, ’The Highly Sensitive Person in Love’ by Elaine N. Aron is about just that.
There are people who are extremely sensitive; both men and women, and their love lives are less happy because they pick up all sorts of subtleties and reflect on them. They also demand more depth in their personal relationships in order to be satisfied and none of that is easy.
They see threatening consequences in their partner’s behavior and they worry about how things are going with the flaws they observe.
Many of these people are also sensation seekers with a curiosity and need to explore.
Partners with different temperaments really do not understand what the other person is feeling or how they experience life. That causes big problems.
Many men are also sensitive but they are not thought to be ‘real’ men if they are.
Women like to be with sensitive men but they prefer to marry those that are not.
A goal is to make that situation change and have sensitive men and women love one another.
Intimacy is approached cautiously with sensitive people. They really don’t want to be hurt. They also don’t wish the other sensitive person to overwhelm them with their needs.
The sensation seekers fear boredom and a lack of variety so they don’t like commitment.
Initial attraction can fade fast with familiarity so the trick is to make life exciting and not dull, with surprises!
When it comes to sex, sensitive people like to find sex mysterious, and powerful. They are turned on by subtle cues not explicit ones and can be easily distracted. They find it difficult to go right back to ‘normal’ afterwards.
Sensation seeking men and women tend to enjoy sex more, want more partners, and have had more, and feel they can enjoy sex without love.
Interesting but not really news.
We all know how sensitive we are and how our partners address love and sex.
When you are with your chosen one you know what that feels like. When he is not meeting your needs, you can be extremely sensitive and still want him in the worst way.
When you are hurt, you may think the most awful things about him and never want to see him again. You are hurt and you want to hurt him; or play the victim.
There is no getting around it; love is PAIN!
The best way to solve any of this is to communicate and SAY what you feel. Maybe he can change and maybe he can’t. If the love is strong, and the sex makes up for a lot of hurt, it will go on and on and… on.
“To find oneself lonely with the creature one loves is to plumb the full depths of desolation.” – Radcliffe Hall