Sex Goes to the Dogs

So, Billy’s digging a hole in his garden when his neighbor looks over and asks, “What are you doing, Billy?”

“I’m digging a hole to bury my goldfish who just died.”

“That looks like an awfully big hole for a goldfish.”

“Well, it’s because it’s inside your stupid cat!”

We all love our pets and there is a small fortune spent each year on them. The real reason we like them so much is they give unconditional love, and companionship and the main reason; we can project any thoughts or feelings we wish on them.

So, I’m in London with my guy and left Beaucoup, (cute huh?), the small yorkie home. He was a friendly but not so bright Yorkshire terrier who went everywhere with me. There was always a bow in his hair, (it’s OK for male dogs) and he attracted a lot of attention.

After running all over London we got the bright idea to look for another yorkie.

On Kensington Church Walk, there was a pet shop that said they had a female dog for sale so we ran over there and of course fell in love at first sight with the tiny puppy. We bought her and brought her back to the Savoy Hotel and left her with the coat lady while we went for lunch before going to the airport. Plane ride home was a mess and we remembered the lady had given the puppy a bowl of warm milk when we picked her up. She was sick the whole way home and my lap was not exactly fragrant. She was named Princess Maggie Scratch and we told her all about the two girls at home that would be so surprised and that Beaucoup would just love her. The anticipation was wonderful.

Once home, she went into the room where Beaucoup was; he growled and snapped at her. The girls were thrilled and we all said it was just a period of adjustment that was going on and that it wouldn’t take long before they were best friends and later making adorable puppies themselves.

Next day Beaucoup was no friendlier and the day after he almost bit her causing us to keep them separated.

Lots of theories were espoused and finally an appointment with the veterinarian was made.

Now he was an old family friend and knew our dogs over the years. As a matter of fact, I had been his marriage counselor at one point and had done a sex ed. class at his children’s school.

After examining the puppy and giving her shots he asked her name. I announced, Princess Maggie Scratch.

Then I went into a long story about how we found her and brought her home and as a matter of fact were having a hard time with Beaucoup accepting her. Maybe sibling rivalry, I suggested?

With that he held her aloft and turned her around and said,” Perhaps you should change her name to Prince.”


Yes, we had been sold a male masquerading as a female and no wonder poor Beaucoup hated her on sight.

It is difficult to tell the sex of these tiny dogs when they are so young but the store must have known and wanted to make a sale. I wrote to all the authorities in England about it and never received a reply. Caveat Emptor! 

The two dogs never did get along and eventually Beaucoup was given to another family member. We kept Prince!

 As a marriage counselor and sex educator everyone heard the story.

I’m still working on convincing some I’m really good with people; dogs not so much!


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