Love Is Always Agony

“Who will tell whether one happy moment of love, or the joy of breathing or walking on a bright morning and smelling the fresh air, is not worth all the suffering and effort life implies?” – Erich Fromm

We all suffer in this life. Some more than others, but no one escapes.

The pain that might be physical is one area of distress. The mental anguish is another.

The problem is that all people have experiences, ideas, thoughts, and times when life seems unbearable.

The daily needs of living take a lot of time and attention, to say nothing of money. Any part of this can be a huge problem and cause anxiety, worry, or breakdown.

If you look at the numbers of Americans that take drugs, legal or otherwise, and drink to excess you know there is a problem.

When materialism reigns, there is never enough for many people, and the quest for what money can buy is powerful. That puts a terrible burden on individuals. The media sets it up so everyone can see what is available and then the race to obtain more is on.

Now there is a need and necessity for living, and we all have our standards, and that’s fine. It is when the joy of living and loving is not paramount that there is an emptiness, no matter what is obtained otherwise.

In order to love we also have standards. How we and a partner look, what we wear, where we go, how we live, and so on. But in the end love will rule no matter what.

With love comes disappointment, anger, frustration, and yes, agony.

After that first ‘high’ when all is so very wonderful reality will set in. It can be overlooked, excused, compromised or even ignored at first. But again, at some point there will be negative vibes.

If the bond is strong and tested over time and the ‘pull’ to be together, emotionally and physically, all bets are off.

Love in its’ highest form is what it’s all about.

Now, not everyone is up for this challenge, if you will. That’s fine too. To be happy with someone and not be one hundred percent vulnerable and connected is dandy for maybe most of the world. Life can be pleasant and full.

However, when the connection is so strong that you cannot conceive of life without this person you are talking another story.

Going through the lows here become agonizing.

We really should teach young people that love is not Cinderella and what it seems at first. We need them to be prepared for true love and life. What most people will say if asked, is that they wish they had known fill in the blank. It’s about relationships and what they entail.

Experience and learning takes time in this instance, and no one goes to ‘Love’ school. That’s the school I would run!!

The other point in all of this is that if and when the relationship ends there is the pure hurt that feels like death or the wish for death.

Read history and novels where the partner left does indeed kill themselves as opposed to a life without the lover.

One of the classic stories is about the artist Dora Carrington. It’s a love affair she had with a gay writer Lytton Strachey. Their relationship was platonic but so deep she ended her life when he died. Tragic.

To go on or even to imagine being with another is almost impossible.

I have had clients who talked about what they missed when a partner was no longer there.

One I shall never forget responded to my question about what she missed most, with, “His penis!”

She was honest.

No matter what the answer it is usually a compilation of things; the sound of the voice, the attention, the smells, the words, and a million-other small and large gestures. A person includes all of what attracts you to them. The routine of the relationship is gone. There is an emptiness, and that is a physical hole in the pit of the stomach and an ache in the heart. Life seems joyless and futile. The agony of love!!

Do you want to risk it? Is it worth it in the end? Do you have a choice?

Just know, there is NO connection that is the real thing that will not at some point include pain that will be unbearable.

To go on and live life going through the motions comes first. What happens later after the mortal sting remains to be seen.

“If you suffer, thank God—it is a sure sign that you are alive.” – Elbert Hubbard

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