We all make them, maybe a lot. There are a variety of ‘mistakes.’ Some large affecting many people and some tiny affecting maybe only ourselves.
Lately it seems the world is full of them. The ones that are acted on, involving whole groups of people are the worst. They cause misery, and even large loss of lives. They are the crimes against humanity.
Most of the time they are based on bad thoughts that become ingrained from childhood.
Then there are the ordinary every day mistakes that we are all subjected to. Misinformation and lack of caring or judgment. These mistakes cause problems in our daily lives and are really a pain to deal with on a regular basis. People just don’t ‘care.’
But the mistakes that I want to talk about are the ones involving people who are emotionally connected to one another and who care about each other.
These can include any family member or friend or colleague. Often it is because of faulty ideas or bad information that is not correct that causes these mistakes.
The real deal is between two people who love one another.
These mistakes can take a big toll if not dealt with well or handled honestly.
That old line about never having to say you’re sorry is not so, in my book. Apologies can help get things on the right track again. It may take a heap of work to get it better but it can only happen when two people recognize the problem and acknowledge the ‘mistake’ and want to ‘fix’ it.
Sometimes it is faulty thinking that causes the problem in the first place. Sometimes it is finding out something that a partner was hiding, or sometimes it is a real flat out knowing hurt that is inflicted.
We cannot always be happy and males and females are different in what bothers or hurts them.
If she feels overwhelmed he makes a big mistake thinking she can put her job, the kids, or house etc. aside to give him what he wants. Her stress has to be dealt with.
If she nags and complains he thinks she is trying to control him and that is something he will fight. It is a mistake to think that he will just move on.
If really nasty things are said the mistake there will not disappear in your head.
However, if ‘requests’ are made in a civil fashion each partner may hear what the other is asking.
We need to express what we need from one another and then test it to see if we can deliver.
It is a trial and error process and takes time for new patterns to become natural. We need to help one another understand what happened and why and what we will try to do to correct the ‘mistake.’
If the mistake was a deception, trust will become paramount. That will take time, lots of it in many cases.
No one can play ‘cop’ twenty-four hours a day and no one should want to live that way.
It is usually the case that when a partner knows the other one will not ‘approve’ of the behavior that causes deviance. The tighter the control the more deceptive they will become. A bad cycle.
When the truth comes out there will be a lot of drama and emotion and anger and hurt. All normal. The wronged one will lash out, and the other one may feel real guilt and remorse. Again, all normal.
Then the work begins to heal; and then the result if successful, may lead to a better connection, better communication, and better all the way around. Good outcome and good learning.
The old line that the person who keeps repeating behavior that doesn’t work and expecting a different outcome fools themselves. They are just plain STUPID!
The final analysis is that we all ‘tolerate’ different things in our relationships and only you can decide what works for you. Since we all make bad decisions from time to time and yes, mistakes, we need to be aware that our partners too are only human.
The challenge is to make your life the best it can be with all the ‘junk’ that life hands out!
“If we do not always see our own mistakes and omissions we can always see those of our neighbors.” – Kathleen Norris
Let’s talk about mistakes you have made or dealt with: firstname.lastname@example.org