Once A Loser

“The fear of failure is a realistic one because, in general the chances of failing are much greater than those of succeeding, and because failures in a competitive society entail a realistic frustration of needs. They mean not only economic insecurity, but also loss of prestige and all kinds of emotional frustration.” – Karen Horney

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We all know them; the losers among us. They come in all stripes and colors.

The old adage that ‘once a loser, always a loser’ holds true in most cases. It can start in childhood when you don’t have what other kids have, you don’t dress like them, you are not popular or with the ‘in’ crowd. The message begins.

Now it may be worked through, however, if by the thirties and certainly by the forties you have not ‘made’ it, you are a loser. You may have been a ‘loser’ in an important relationship. You may have screwed up your early jobs, or you may just have drifted into loser land.

Losers are not always immediately identified. They may have bad resumes that they doctor up or they may come across as really trying to succeed. You may buy that for a bit. However, in pretty short order you will see it for what it is. The loser may try to get money from you or be a parasite on someone else. They are ALWAYS in need of money!

They may seem very ‘busy’ but it’s like a dog chasing its’ tail; it goes nowhere.

They can try to be sociable and smile a lot but it’s all vapid. There is no substance to them. They make bad decisions, and are not competent or accomplished.

I have worked with some who have a fine education but never got it together to earn a living. Like everyone, they find their level. They are not the ‘A’ list or even the ‘C’ list. They are way down the alphabet. There are some entrepreneurs who go up and down and some do succeed. They are a different category. There are creative people who just don’t get ‘discovered.’ They are also another group. Today’s technical world has young bright people taking over the fast- moving world they inhabit. They are fabulous. The older group here quickly can fall into ‘loser.’

Luck may play a part but that will merely open the door. Meeting the challenge is the test. Losers like to blame others or become negative putting others down to feel better about themselves. Inside they know the truth.

If you are emotionally involved with a loser you may choose that to feel ‘needed’ and important. That usually doesn’t last forever. You will recognize your ‘mistake.’ You cannot delude yourself.

As a professional we see these people but their limits are so crystal clear in short order that if we are well trained and legitimate we do not continue to see them as they are ‘hopeless.’

With aging, they become even more ‘pathetic’ and can turn to other sources for a bit of relief. Age only compounds the problem they have had for years.

So, beware the losers as you do not want to be identified with them in any way. Do not be fooled!!

“Since modern man experiences himself both as the seller and as the commodity to be sold on the market, his self- esteem depends on conditions beyond his control. If he is “successful” he is valuable;     if he is not, he is worthless” – Erich Fromm

Share your thoughts and ask your questions and I will respond: Lynn@wooziewisdom.com

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