“To be attached to what you don’t want to be attached to is suffering, and to be detached from what you want to be attached to is suffering.” – R.D. Laing
Yes, shall we talk about this aspect of life? You bet… because we all go through some form or many forms of this type of pain.
Because my topics always deal with relationships there will be no difference in this case. No matter what the relationship is, was, or can be, there will be times, maybe lots of them, where the thing just isn’t ‘working.’
The needs change over time and the ways in which couples move away from one another is emotional and sexual.
If the bond has been there for a long time and the two-people involved truly love one another they can overcome any breach in the relationship and even move on in better ways.
There is no time limit to make that bond strong but it does take time and working through a variety of differences. How they get resolved sets the stage and pattern for the future.
In the beginning of most connections the sexual coming together can make whatever else is going on, feel okay.
The sexual life is the ‘glue.’ AND it works.
It works in many ways; certainly, the body responds if it is done ‘well.’ The mind and heart go along and the feeling is so damn good you want to keep repeating the experience.
It makes you want to be close.
Now, over time and certainly with aging the body changes and that part of your life may not be what it was or what one of you may still desire.
The need for affection, desirability, and attractions do not just disappear.
There can be many different responses. If one partner is not willing to ‘substitute’ the old ways of expressing themselves a partner can ‘wander.’ There is no shortage of willing sexual partners out there. Maybe being fulfilled ‘elsewhere’ even makes the basic relationship doable and pleasant. Dealing with the subversive behavior may cause guilt or maybe not. Some partners feel they have and still do deliver ‘enough’ at home.
Then there is the issue of trust. That can be a big hole in the picture. Not telling in order to not cause anger or unhappiness is often the case.